I know I am wrong… I know I get unnecessarily insecure. I know it’s my fault. But what should I do. It’s my basic nature I guess. I don’t want to lose u. I have you. Just you. I fear the loss. What if I lose u??? What if u leave me??? What if??? What if??? I know you love me. I know I love you. Still I am insecure. And I can’t help myself… I am in the trauma of the inescapable fears of losing the best thing I have…
Yes!!!! These things come to my mind. These things haunt me. M sure these things must have come someday in all of your minds. For somebody, someday, at some point of time!!!
I know it’s hard to deal…
Even after trying so hard, still I haven’t reached even the half of my journey. I know what I need. I even know how to deal it. But still I am incapable.
I never doubted my capability. But this very thing has made me feel so weak that sometimes I feel I have almost lost my identity. I was never this.
Or I was???
I still am not able to recognize the truth of my existence.
Whenever I see the vast dark sky with thousands of twinkling stars. I wonder, what they would be thinking of me? I talk to stars. I talk a lot. But they don’t respond. How would they???
They are not humans. They can’t speak.
But what about humans. When I talk about my feelings to humans. Still people don’t respond. Why??? I feel people are so much indulged into themselves that they have forgotten the meaning of humanity, Humanness, Life, Love!!!
Crowd has just become the crowd. N yes, I too am part of that crowd. People don’t understand.
Or they misunderstand.
But who am I to blame anybody???
Don’t I do the same???
Yes I do. I do….
May be that is the reason behind all this.
I strongly believe in karma. Karma is a bitch. I have experienced this bitch.
I try to connect to my conscience every time. I must tell u, It’s hard. Because our ego doesn’t let us do so. Our inner demons resist us to make a strong connection with our conscience. And there it is where it all starts.
Conscience… It goes on like a loop… What I’ll do… He will do… They will do… Everybody will do….. I will do…..!!!
We don’t want to come out of that loop.
I can’t fight with my problems. Why? Because I feel alone? Or Because I am not much self-conscious, that I actually should be. I am insecure. I feel low. I feel disastrous.
Why??? Because somebody is the reason???
No…. I am the reason!!!!
I am the reason for everything that happens to me….
I am the reason for my each misery…
I am the reason I let others harm my cool….
I am the reason I feel jealous….
I am the reason I feel insecure….
I am the reason I feel pathetic….
Because…. I am the reason for my life….!!!!
OakTeller : Aayushi Banotra