Ever wondered, what happens when a very dear says ill to you?
When somebody who means almost everything to you, speaks negative about you, not once, but again and again?
I will tell you…
You start becoming that person. You start doubting yourself.
Not because you feel that inside and you are guilty about being that. But, because such has been told by the person so many times, that thought of being ‘that you’ engulfs you all. You lose your personality in the whole process. Initially you counter those thoughts, you counter those words. But eventually, you start doubting yourself. You never doubt that person but you. Because, you love that person and you take all the nonsense that is thrown upon you. You lose your identity.
The words which are told repeatedly somehow start ruling your brain and in the very sub conscious mind your brain processes those thoughts. Besides the heart ache those words give to you, you get an impactful everlasting response on your brain. Your brain interacts with your heart and pain which in turn starts making you believe and accept those words in order to reduce that pain. Because, acceptance brings comfort. But what about such an acceptance that is ultimately ruining your true self.
What about your true identity? You lose it! You completely lose it!
The time when you object such words and feelings, you feel worse because, you can’t accept the fact that your dear one is addressing you such, is making such remarks. In order to reduce that pain, you start accepting those words, you start believing and accepting that disgrace. Though it hurts you bad, but you comfort yourself by doubting your true self that the problem is with you, not with the second person. You regret about being what you are and you start becoming what you are accused of. It leaves adverse effects behind.
This is a very deluding fact but you find it easy to accept. The hard protective shield which you had ever expected to be smooth, becomes a violent stream of wet shield that protects you but drains you from inside. Because you lose yourself. You lose the courage to differentiate between who you are and what you have become. You doubt at every single instance. Doubt on your identity. You consider yourself as the piece of destruction and damage.
Whereas, the process of acceptance is itself a destruction and a damage!
OakTeller: Shawn Mark